Changes...

Another New Year and a whole lot of changes. This past week I went back to work after 14 ½ months off. Going back to work after maternity leave is bitter sweet and never easy for any mom. For me it was confusing and a little heartbreaking. With my son I went back and felt rejuvenated like I could conquer the world. I welcomed the conversation with adults, a lunch hour filled with ME and bathroom breaks whenever I wanted. I didn’t feel that this week. Instead I cried at 3am the night before returning to work, thought of only my daughter the whole day and despised sitting at my computer. I especially hated the “WELCOME BACK’s” because they were cheery. Now this has nothing to do with the people I work with, in fact all are very friendly and genuinely asked how Piper was doing. It was solely me and this is why.

When we leave work to have a baby all is joyful, people bid you well and wait for the birth announcement to come out. Your own expectations are heightened and you are filled with happiness. When I turned around and waved goodbye to my job and coworkers I was on cloud nine. Nothing could bring me down, but it did. Funny how returning to this environment just reminds me of that day. The smiles and the joy are fresh in my mind. The happiness, oh, the happiness! My life was “normal” then and I’m now reminded that it’s not anymore...it’s never going to be the same again. I’m trying to fit into my OLD life but it’s not working. I’m not the same person I was. I never will be.